Every now and then, over the many years I’ve been writing this column, I’ve had the good fortune to have the editor avert disaster for me. Sometimes it’s changing a word or two, sometimes a whole paragraph gets pulled, and I remember once that a whole column wasn’t published. That second set of eyes that sees something that shouldn’t be there, or something that shouldn’t be said in that way, or at all, has mostly kept me out of trouble.
Unfortunately, there was no editor looking over my shoulder at a recent Eastern Summit County Planning Commission meeting where I made some stupid and very inappropriate comments about people who ride motorcycles. I’ve been serving on the Planning Commission and similar boards for about 15 years, and every now and then, things go badly. The train wreck I caused at the last meeting was awful, and shouldn’t have happened. I can’t unsay what was said, much as I’d like to. It’s bad enough when that happens here in an opinion column. It’s much more problematic when it happens in an official government meeting. I apologize to the applicant and the other commissioners and planning staff.
The application involved was not acted on. It was continued to give the applicant time to address some legitimate issues with noise impacts on the neighboring properties. When it comes back, to avoid further mucking things up, I will be abstaining. The remaining commissioners can certainly review the application and make an appropriate decision on it. There is nothing constructive I could add.
I’ve had a cascade of well-deserved invective sent my way. All I can say is that most of that pales compared to what I’m heaping on myself. Lapses of judgment are like that, and I’ll be asking myself, “What the hell were you thinking?” for a long time. The simple answer is that I wasn’t thinking, and it’s never a good idea to speak first and think later.
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On other fronts, with the ports all clogged up and inventories missing everywhere, it turns out that the most desired Christmas gift among the trendy is a tungsten cube. The dark pit that life became during the pandemic can apparently be filled with a tungsten cube.
The cubes are just that: cubes, made of tungsten. Tungsten is a metal that is added to steel to harden it. It is extremely dense. A 2-inch tungsten cube weighs 5.2 pounds. If you’ve got to have it, the 2-inch version is available on Amazon for just $399. The 3-inch seems to be the most desired, but is sold out.
When I started seeing news stories about the cubes, I wondered what people did with them. Tungsten is valuable, but it’s not like gold that people stockpile as a defense against the apocalypse. According to the vendor, Midwest Tungsten Service, “Whether you are a science enthusiast or are looking for a beautiful desk toy, our tungsten will be sure to amaze you and your friends with its mind-boggling density.” So people hold the cubes to experience mind-boggling density. I know a planning commissioner who could match that pound for pound.
No one describes it better than Jake, who wrote in an Amazon review, “WARNING if you purchase this cube – I hope you have $2000 to spare, because all you will think about is getting the 4 inch cube. This thing is insane… at first one might think $300 is too much for a cube. Then consider that in your entire existence you have never actually felt something this dense. So dense you step back and reconsider everything you know about the material world. Normal objects feel tiny and insignificant. And this thing is near indestructible. It will outlast you and be with you family for generations. Be warned though. Nothing will be the same.”
Based on Jake’s review, demand soared and prices have gone up. The 4-inch cube will now set you back $3,000, but it will outlast you and be with your family for generations. Or dumped at the estate sale for $10.
The other reviews said it was the most wonderful cube they had, but after a few weeks, they had to upgrade to the 4-inch version. It weighs 41 pounds. Reviewers raved that it was indeed a very heavy cube. There is a video on the Midwest Tungsten website showing the 4-inch cube being dropped from a tower built for the sole purpose of dropping things on other things. Apparently that is one of the reasons to spend $3,000 on a tungsten cube.
Others have decided cubes are an investment. Among the cryptocurrency crowd, there is now a market for the right to own what is believed to be the largest tungsten cube. The folks at Midwest Tungsten Service, who are used to selling their products for boring industrial uses, have proposed to create a 14-inch cube. It doesn’t exist yet, but when it does, it will weigh 1,784 pounds, making it pretty difficult to push off a building to crush a watermelon. For an opening bid of $200,000, the owner of the cube will have the right to make one annual physical visit to the cube for purpose of “seeing, photographing, or touching the cube” under the strict supervision of Midwest Tungsten Service.
So you wonder where those 80,000 missing truck drivers went. Maybe they are all getting rich in the tungsten cube market. This isn’t going to end well.
Tom Clyde practiced law in Park City for many years. He lives on a working ranch in Woodland and has been writing this column since 1986.