I’m looking forward to checking out the 51st state, Canada, population California. And the 52nd, Greenland, about a Carson City, Nevada.
How many electoral votes would they get? How might the balance in Congress tip? Has the president thought this through?
California has 54 votes in the Electoral College. A great state of Canada would match that. Surely Greenland would get one, along with a seat in the House and two in the Senate. Not bad for a new state with a whopping total of 57,000 residents, a little more for now than Summit County, which is still a couple of Dakota Pacifics short. Wyoming’s an urban center by comparison.
I wonder, though. Would shotgun annexations lead Canada and Greenland to vote along the same party lines as, say, Utah?
This assumes we’d still be voting, of course. The conservative Christian faithful seem to know something. The president told them they wouldn’t have to bother with such annoyance after 2024 if he won. And he won.
Also, what about Puerto Rico and its longstanding quest for statehood? Oh, I remember. Something like Haiti. Not a favorite. They can keep waiting.
But we’re friends again with Ukraine, sending some of Israel’s old Patriot missile-killing missiles and other refurbished castoffs from Europe their way. Apparently, this is part of a deal for minerals and such. MAGA nation, take note: The Russian tyrant is out, and that little twerp who was expelled from the White House for not saying thank you loud enough for J.D. to hear is back in. Please adjust your talking points accordingly.
Good guys, bad guys, they flip and flop like fish on dry land and tariffs up, tariffs down. Does this mean higher ones for Russia, then? Just asking, if only for the blessings the president says such trade barriers bring to our economy. How many dolls do little girls need anyway? Gasoline’s the thing, and the cost of filling up is going down. Don’t ask why. When global demand for oil drops, you may not want to know.
And shhh, some diehards still believe egg and other food prices are heading down. But everything’s fine, really, right on plan. In the long run, groceries will work out, high schoolers can help pick the strawberries, and with the colleges closed there should be plenty of red-blooded Americans to work the factories someday like the good ol’ days. Even the homeless will have to get jobs, maybe pounding nails. There will be lots of openings in construction.
Meantime, we’re putting up big beautiful walls in every real and metaphorical way, keeping the foreigners out, except for those who buy $5 million tickets to skip the long legal line in. Fair’s fair.
The fake news media really need to go, though, so terribly unfair, to hear the president. Carefully chosen podcasters and influencers have taken CNN, The New York Times and The Associated Press’ seats at the briefings. Call that a good start. Just like going after the lawyers who worked on civil and criminal cases against the boss. If hit, hit back harder.
In that vein, the president would strip federal funding from PBS and NPR, from which KPCW as an affiliate gets about 14% of its revenue. The private nonprofit Corporation for Public Broadcasting, which distributes these funds, says the president doesn’t have the authority to do this himself. Only Congress does, though that writing already was on the wall. Maybe a compliant Supreme Court can finish this early.
Let the little public stations go the way of the little papers out there, those pests that occasionally note subversive junk like rising prices, protests, funny politics, sinking poll numbers, effects of climate change and such amid the police blotters and fundraisers and lost-and-found announcements.
Just don’t take too many Fox News personalities away for Cabinet positions. Some still are needed for dictation. If NPR’s not going to do it, Fox certainly can. State-run makes more business sense than state-funded without control. Where’s the quid pro quo in that? Even Ukraine understands this much, finally.
Who will fill in the gap? Facebook, Tik Tok, The Epoch Times, X, duh. Seems like a fair trade, even a plus for carrying out that campaign promise to the faithful. News need not be wed to what’s true to feel right. Surely Scripture and Shakespeare tell us that much.
Besides, relax, a good half of the country doesn’t know any of this and couldn’t care any less. And they’re fine. A combination of tariffs, gutted government and removal of immigrants causing a Biden recession at last would only be a blip on the way to our best economy ever, according to the president.
Especially if no one’s around to report otherwise. Just think, we’re only at the beginning. Four years of this and there may not be any more questions about third terms, whatever the Constitution says. Oh, Canada indeed.
Don Rogers is the editor and publisher of The Park Record. He can be reached at [email protected] or (970) 376-0745.