Being president of my Family Values Party, or FVP, has not been as smooth and resistance free as I was planning. (FYI, I deleted “Park City” from the front of my party’s name, seeing no reason to limit my powers.)
I didn’t miss the editors using the term, “…for the birds” in the title of my April 16-18 letter to the editor. Worse, I’ve heard some readers even laughed at my suggestion that greater Sandhill cranes are illegal migrants crossing our sovereign borders whose unsupervised juveniles engage in delinquency. Pesky fact checkers spread fake news that I’m untruthful, but I quickly point my finger at critics, accusing them of the same.
They demand proof? I accept the challenge, for I have incriminating evidence: photographs of bird droppings which adolescent crane vandals left on my car! I also noticed no droppings on the cars of my neighbors who have a different, more suspect ideology from mine. Additionally, I surveilled their young daughters, Buffy and Lulu, giggling while pointing at “birdy doo” on my car.
I suspect a conspiracy here. Though the cranes will be moving on to Canada, could these dangerous migrants have influenced, trained, then left behind my neighbors, and dare I say Buffy and Lulu, as sleeper cells preparing a future attack?
You may say that’s preposterous, but spying on Buffy and Lulu playing in the damp, spring earth (unsupervised), clawing up clumps of who knows what destructive materials in their tiny hands, I have to ask: Can I afford to stand idly by and wait for the next sign of something dropped on my car to be … a mushroom clod!
Brooks Bloomfield
Park City